Hope. It’s what keeps me going everyday. The hope for a better tomorrow. The hope of a freer future. The faith that God is looking out for me. I’m so happy to have a reminder of this to wear on my wrist now. James Avery’s “Hope” charm is just the first of what will one day be a bracelet full! This charm bracelet really is more than just a pretty piece of silver that I have the privilege of owning. It’s more than another piece of jewelry to jazz up an outfit. It’s more than another accessory to choose from when adding to my attire for the day. It’s my recovery bracelet, and as such, it carries a lot of symbolism.

Whenever I hit the one month marker for time I’ve been self-harm free, I was supposed to reward myself in some small way. Well, perhaps what I came up with in my brainstorming was a bit bigger than what I was originally thinking, but I had to do it once I convinced myself I was worth it! Ana firmly insisted that I deserved nothing, that one month wasn’t a big deal. My therapist expertly argued otherwise though. Ana decided her best shot was a bargain. When I settled on the idea of a recovery bracelet, she said, “Okay, you can do that, but you only deserve the cheapest chain available, especially if you insist upon James Avery.”

I had fallen in love with a much pricier chain though. A chain strictly forbidden by Ana. It just so happened that upon trying a few different bracelets on, I didn’t like either of these chains. Instead of settling for the one Ana approved of despite not liking it on myself though, I got the bracelet that I liked. The bracelet that I deserved. I would have spent the money I spent on my bracelet on a close friend or family member in a heartbeat to reward them after accomplishing something that was praise worthy or just to show them how much I care about them. To spend it on myself was an entirely different story though.

It took a lot of reminding for me to finally feel worth the bracelet. It took a lot of convincing for me to believe that managing to not take a blade to my skin for an entire month was anything to celebrate. Lucky for me, I have what I consider a large network of support, and so many of the people who make up this system confirmed over and over again that I deserved to do something nice for myself. It never fails to amaze me how patient, kind, gentle, and encouraging these people are. In the end, they helped me win.

I now have my recovery bracelet and my first charm as a reward from myself and my parents for staying one month clean. Now when I hit milestones in the future, I won’t have to worry about deciding what to do for myself. I’ll just have to pick out another charm and add it to a growing collection hanging from my wrist.