An apology I wrote to my body one night when thoughts of relapse were creeping in.

While I could have simply typed up the handwritten letter and posted that, I decided to get creative and put the text on a series of pictures. When these photographs were taken about a month ago, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel looking at them. I surprised myself though and actually like most of them. They’re another step in the direction of recovery, so I felt as if they were quite fitting to go along with the letter. It’s also something a bit different from my normal posts, and hopefully, you guys enjoy that!

A huge thanks goes out to the good friend who took these wonderful pictures! It was a ton of fun to go out with you and be your model!

Text only version available at the end in case photos don’t load for anyone.

Dear Body,

I’m sorry for expecting perfection from you. I should have just accepted your awesomeness! You’re the outer shell that houses my spirit, my personality, everything my Creator intended me to be. You weren’t created to be flawless. But instead, a beautiful work in progress. The awkward stages of puberty are only natural, and everyone goes through them. We survive them though. I’m sorry for later hating you for making the necessary changes for me to become a young woman. You weren’t trying to become fat when your intuition told you you needed to carry extra weight. You were just preparing to grow taller. I’m sorry that even once you thinned out, I began to resent the new you. I’m sorry that I starved you, trying to make you something you’re not supposed to be: perfect. I’m sorry for defining your worth by the scale- and exercise done and net calories consumed- instead of by your abilities. I’m sorry that when you tried to make me physically stronger, I hated you for it. Brain, I’m sorry that I didn’t feed you properly. I’m sorry that when I deprived you of sleep and nutrition, I expected you to perform at a level of perfection. Body, I’m sorry that when that didn’t happen, I made you bleed. I’m sorry for pushing you through sleepless nights, intense school days, long workouts, without giving you the supply of energy you so desperately needed. I’m sorry for putting you through hell as I focused on your flaws, instead of appreciating what you can do. I know that we still have a long way to go, but I know I need to start appreciating you more. You allow me to do so many different things. When your Creator looks down at you, He does so in love. He sees you as be(you)tiful. And I’m getting closer to the day that I will too. Thank you, Body, for staying as strong and as healthy as possible, for being resilient, for healing, for putting up with everything I put you through. I’ll try to be kinder in the future.

Love,
Jordan

All photos except for a very small handful have not been edited at all, other then having the text added to them.