When I saw this video shared by someone on Facebook, I knew it had to of been God who prompted me to open up my Facebook app and scroll through my feed. I pretty much never get on Facebook anymore, like seriously never. So the odds of me just happening to get on the same night a family member of mine shared this video and see it were pretty slim. God works in mysterious ways though. I happened upon this video the day after K had done a blind weigh with me. Now for those of you unfamiliar with eating disorders and terms and practices associated with treatment of them, a blind weigh basically involves stepping onto the scale backwards. Occasionally they’ll do it differently, but the point is that the person being weighed doesn’t see the number.

I’m not terribly concerned about not seeing the number. Instead, the reason I panic is because I cannot stand anyone else knowing what I weigh. I have a huge fear of them knowing and judging me for it and thinking I’m a failure of an anorexic. When I first saw this video, I was still internally freaking out over being blind weighed. Even now I don’t like that K knows what I weigh, but I’m not fixated on that fact anymore. This video couldn’t have had better timing though. At that time, it was still buzzing around my head that K now knows what I weigh and was going to think all sorts of awful things about me based off of that number. She has already reassured me that this wasn’t the case, at all, but Ana was having way too much fun twisting things.

This video though. It was a God send, and I mean that quite literally. It held so many truths that I really needed yet another reminder of. This video was extremely, extremely powerful to me. The fact that he talks about weight, hair products, academics, social media; they’re all so me! The fact that he talks about how none of them can define us. The fact that he talks about the voices that put us down and how they’re from Satan. It all resonated so much with me. I’ve replayed this video a good number of times, and it still hasn’t lost it’s power. It still gets me every time. It still feels like God is saying, “Are you listening to this? Are you letting these truths, My truths, seep into you? I’m trying to tell you something, Child! Please just listen and believe!”

Well, the more He hollers at me, the more I’m starting to ever so slowly catch onto the message. There’s a lot of truth to God working in seasons. When He’s trying to teach us something, He likes to present the message over and over and over again in every way imaginable. Right now, I feel like He’s pretty intent on teaching me about my worth. This is just one ways He’s tried to get the message across to me. This may be an amazing message to all woman, but it also felt very much like a direct message from God to me. A message to me about who I really am: who I am in His eyes.