Today, a dear friend of mine who has been by my side since the early stages of my recovery has been kind enough to write about her experiences along the way. She has seen the worst sides of me, yet she loves me anyway. Her non-judgmental, always loving support has meant more than I can say and been instrumental in my recovery because even though recovery may be a decision that each individual must make on their own, we all need support along the way.

As cliché as it might sound, you really never know what people have going on in their lives. You never know until they finally tell you themselves, and then, the person you least expect to be having any major problems actually is. And that’s exactly what happened when Jordan told me that she was anorexic. I would have never in a million years thought that Jordan had an eating disorder. She seemed happy and healthy when I saw her, which, granted, wasn’t that much since our school schedules were so hectic. But it still goes to show how well some people can mask their disorder and pretend everything is okay.

When Jordan told me, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know exactly what Jordan having anorexia meant. I knew about the disease and its symptoms, but I didn’t know what it meant for her. I didn’t know just how dangerous and harmful and life changing having anorexia was, but it didn’t take long after talking to Jordan and learning about what she had been going through for me to grasp just how serious her eating disorder was. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see my friend in so much pain, and it was even worse knowing she had been dealing with this for months and I had absolutely no idea. After I knew though, I would worry about her, wondering if she had eaten and if she was okay. I had never had a friend with an eating disorder, so I did, and continue to do, what I thought was best when it came to helping Jordan. From the moment she told me, I’ve tried my best to be there for her as much as I possibly can. I wanted to be there for her whenever she needed me, so if it meant staying up into the late hours of night letting her talk, I’d do it. If it meant reminding her every morning that she was beautiful, I’d do it. I’d do anything to help her because I love her and want her to be happy and healthy. That’s all I want for Jordan, and I remind her of that all the time.

When you love someone, you hate to see them hurting. You hate to see them hating themselves, and you want nothing more than to just take their pain away. There have been countless nights when I wish I could have taken Jordan’s pain away. It hurts to see someone hurting so badly that they restrict their eating as a way to punish and hurt themselves. Jordan is such an amazing person, and the fact that she can’t see that and believe that is utterly heartbreaking. As a friend, all I can do for Jordan is be there for her when she needs someone and encourage her to stay strong and fight against her anorexia. Anyone who has an eating disorder, or any disorder for that matter, needs someone they can rely on to provide love and encouragement and affirmation. I will never give up on Jordan, and I hope she will never give up on herself.