As all of us in recovery must realize at some point along the way that living with an eating disorder is nothing more than a mere existence. Living in bondage to anything is nothing more than a mere existence. We may feel happy and alive, but the high will eventually fade. Everything the world has to offer is only temporary– none of it will truly satisfy our needs. God designed the system this way for a reason. He intended Himself to be the only one who can really satisfy our longing to be significant, to be unconditionally loved, to be accepted, to be known.

It wasn’t until months into recovery that I began to see what I had been missing. It wasn’t until months into recovery that I really began to experience revival. Certain experiences felt brand new to me, as if I was having them for the first time as a young child, awestruck. Slowly, I began to see and feel the Lord moving again after my heart had grown cold to His presence. Day by day, week by week, month by month, I become more vibrant, more alive. In a very real sense, recovery has been a revival– of my heart, spirit, and entire being.

When I came across this song on the radio, it instantly brought all of this to my mind. It makes me heart long even more for a full recovery, for the day when I am fully living in Christ’s glorious freedom and light. Revival may mean something different to everyone, but for me, revival is synonymous with recovery. When I experience one, I experience the other. This mountain does not have to be climbed entirely alone, for our ability to “do all things through Christ who gives [us] strength” applies to recovery as well (Philippians 4:13). In my own teenager fashion, putting this song on in the car, turning the volume up, and singing along is my prayer for revival. It’s my prayer for a revival so deeply needed and so gratefully experienced. In my eating disorder, I am dead. In Christ, I am free and revived.